Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
