I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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