She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
