I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
