did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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