sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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