ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize