I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
