so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize