Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
