seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize