He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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