someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
