My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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