found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
