I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He felt like a one man threesome
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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