yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
