why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
