as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
