I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
