peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
