kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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