I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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