I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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