i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
