You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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