I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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