It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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