sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
