If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
