Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
