I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Randomize
