So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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