He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
