I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
