I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
