So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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