I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
