My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
