He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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