im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
