she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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