i just google imaged poop.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
