dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
