she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
