let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
