I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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