Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
