You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
