i just had sex bonerless
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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