Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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