So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
