I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
