my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize