remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
