Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
