I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How external is "for external use only"?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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