In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize