I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
