I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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