Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
