K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
