i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
