i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
