It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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