So drunk its hurt
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
