i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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