are you still at the devil's house?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
