I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
