dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize