You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
