Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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