Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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