I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
