I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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