Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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