theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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