he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
