Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
