All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
