I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
