am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
