he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
