I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
