I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
