i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
