As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
