Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
