Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
