Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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