the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
